A Long and Winding Road
by Vireonine
Summary: Nobody can run forever. Meruru waits for revenge, and remembers back to when all her troubles started.
1. Run, Little Girl

Disclaimer: I do not own Tenkuu no Escaflowne, or any characters, plots, etc. of said anime. But everyone else in this story is mine! Mwu ha ha ha! Also, I'm too lazy to write a disclaimer for any other chapters of this story, so this one goes for the whole thing.  
  
  
  
Chapter 1: Run, Little Girl   
  
I ran so fast I could hear the cold wind whistling past my ears. I looked up at the phantom moon as I ran; I could barely see it through the thick tree branches but I could tell it was half full. Sick to my stomach, I frantically searched for Alastelle, the brightest star. Suddenly, my foot caught on a rock and I felt myself falling. Before I could do anything about it I was face down on the ground and gasping for breath. In less than five seconds I was up and running again. I cursed silently to myself as I spit out dirt and felt blood trickling down my ankle. I hadn't seen Alastelle.   
  
Looking ahead of me - now was no time for stargazing - I ran. Every shadow chased me; every tree mocked my flight. I was running on fear and fear alone. If it hadn't been for that I would have been done already. I could hardly breathe. My legs were like heavy stones, my lungs were filled with fire, even my arms hurt with the movement of each stride. I tried to ignore the throbbing pain that came from beneath the bandage on my stomach. I knew I was dying, but that didn't matter. If they wanted me back they would have to take my cold, dead carcass. I fell again.  
  
Moon and stars and trees swirled into a mad jumble as I rolled down the hill. I couldn't tell how long I fell, but by the time I reached the bottom leaves were stuck all over me and I was covered in dirt. My breath was erratic and I shuddered uncontrollably. I choked on something bitter. Everything hurt twice as bad. I pushed myself up on one arm but collapsed in an instant. I couldn't go on.   
  
I did a terrible thing then, something I hadn't done for a long time, something that I had sworn never to do again; I cried.  
  
I sobbed and cried until I threw up. Then I kept crying, even though each sob rattled my bones and made me pray for the end. I lay there in the dark, my own puke in my hair and on my face and hand, cursing my own weakness. And right then and right there, as I moaned and looked at that wicked half moon, I swore another thing. I swore revenge.   
  
Before I had prayed for the end, but now I grabbed for life. I would live, oh yes, I would live. I sucked in one long, shuddering breath of the frigid night air. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I struggled to roll onto my back, wincing at the crackling of leaves. I put my hand to the bandage on my stomach. It was heavy and wet; I didn't have to look to know that my fingers were red. Oh yes, I would live. And my hands would be red again. 


	2. Pleasant Change of Scenery

Chapter 2: Pleasant Change of Scenery  
  
Sounds. I heard sounds. Hushed voices coming down a long, long tunnel. "Come look, Mama, her eyelid's twitching. So're her ears."  
  
"She's....I think she's waking up."   
  
"I'll go get mama."  
  
Silence. No, more sounds. A scrape, like wood or maybe...feet. Footsteps, coming closer. Then my world tilted slightly and I reeled with vertigo. Wait, I tilted slightly, because the world didn't do that. Wasn't supposed to, was it?   
  
"Can you hear me?" The tunnel had gone, fled I supposed. This voice was clear and close. Yes, I can hear you. Oh, that wasn't out loud. I willed myself to produce sounds and surprisedly discovered that one must use one's mouth to do that. And my mouth wasn't willing. It was stuck...had I ever used it before? With effort, I was actually able to open it.   
  
God it felt terrible. Something in my jaw made a cracking noise. My tongue was dry on the roof of my mouth, and some sort of sick, damp, gurgling sound fought its way out of my throat. The taste doesn't bear description. "Whoa, it's ok. Take it easy," the Voice urged. I felt gentle pressure on my arm. Wow, I had arms... I had a whole body.   
  
And with that encouraging realization, I opened my eyes. Bad idea.   
  
The world is a bright, bright place. Yes, it is. I groaned [well it was supposed to be a groan, but what I managed was more of a high-pitched wheeze] and shut my eyes tight. Why me? And then I remembered just a little bit of the answer. My head hurt terribly.   
  
I managed to use my newly opened mouth to suck in air. Ah, wonderful. "Settle down," the Voice commanded firmly. Sure, but I had things to do, important things to do. By now I remembered everything. I fought to rise. However, my body was stiff and weak; I felt like I was trying to bend steel. This hurts. But the wound; it feels old now. It hurts. After fifteen agonizing seconds of trying - and about seven more "Settle down."s - I gave up and fell back on the bed. I gasped for air; I was sore. I wanted to see again.   
  
I cracked my eyelids open. The light wasn't so bad this time. The blankets were cream-colored, lumpy, and obviously homespun. My bed was quite a lot of these blankets heaped together to make a sort of pallet on the floor, the dirt floor. I was dressed in a large, loose smock of the same material...but... Where in the hell was I? With heroic effort I turned my head to the side and looked upon the Voice. The Voice was now the Girl.   
  
"Satisfied now?" she asked. She shook her head, red curls bobbing gently around her shoulders. She was a few years younger than me; her green eyes were narrow with annoyance and concern. That quickly melted away, only to be replaced with bubbly excitement. "You've been asleep for a whole month now. That's amazing! When we found you, well, we didn't know if you were going to make it. But me and Nell, that's my sister, we wouldn't let mama just leave you. She said you were dying, but you lived! I knew you would," she stopped gushing just long enough to flash a brilliant smile, "I knew you would because you're a fighter! Yeah, I could tell even then, because warriors come from the north, and that's where you come from. Right? I knew it! You're a wandering warrior! You must have been ambushed by rogue samurai and - "  
  
"Riana!" a new voice squawked, "Shut your mouth and fetch some water, and I mean NOW!"   
  
Riana's mouth snapped shut with a painful clank and that brilliant smile ran and hid somewhere. She positively jumped up and fled to wherever water came from. As for me, I took a second to let my head stop spinning . . . man, that girl could talk . . . A whole month? That couldn't be right...and where? ...Why?... The last thing I remember is the blood...  
  
A black-haired woman, older than she should have been, worn by too many years of too many responsibilities, took Riana's place at my side. She kneeled carefully and looked me straight in the eyes before speaking.   
  
"You are awake. My name is Narie, and my daughters are Riana and Ranonelle. We're not too far from the village of Stillwater; I am the healer.  
  
"We took you in..." Here she paused to give me a look that would have blackened the sun. " ...out of the goodness of our hearts. You had a terrible wound, but it has been taken care of. You have been here, in my care, for almost a month now. The first three nights were the worst; you nearly bled to death. Then you caught infection and fever," she continued rattling off the story emotionlessly, as if reporting to an officer. "You barely woke at all, and when you did you were delirious. The fever went away a week ago, so did the infection. Today is the first day that you've woken up. You are almost well now.   
  
"I am a healer, and my daughters and I were glad to care for you. You may stay as long as you need to, but you see..." She paused and fidgeted, searching for words.   
  
"Things are going well for us. We live a quiet, orderly life here. I heal, and my daughters and I spin and sell wool. We make enough to keep us warm, fed, happy. I wouldn't want anything to upset this balance. I wouldn't want any...trouble... to come upon my family," Narie finished tersely.   
  
Her brown eyes bored into mine, just daring me to cause any trouble, any at all. She smelled of stubbornness, and of fear. I could see the worry wrinkles on her brow and the peasant sunburn on her cheeks. A wounded cat, come out of the night, and with a slaver's mark burned onto her shoulder was everything she didn't need. And that was me. I could bring the worst trouble, the kind that would come and take whatever things they felt like away with them: sheep, food, tools . . . daughters.   
  
I didn't want to cause her trouble. She'd seen too much already. "I understand," I rasped weakly. She looked at me carefully, as if she would be able to see a lie perched on my forehead. I lowered my gaze, face calm, smile placid. Years of court life hadn't been entirely wasted on me. The harsh lines of her eyes softened the tiniest bit and a slow smile spread across her face. Maybe I wasn't such a bad cat, after all.   
  
"Would you like to try sitting up now?" Narie asked.   
  
I looked at her doubtfully.   
  
"I think you can handle it," she said.   
  
I nodded carefully to her. The woman put one arm behind my back and held me up as she slid a few pillows underneath me. I felt small and childlike as she gently placed me back upon the pillows. I didn't know whether to like it or not. I sighed as my stiff muscles settled; the room was more interesting from this angle.   
  
Fading daylight shone in through two empty, west-facing windows, softly illuminating the small room. There wasn't much in it, just a small fireplace on the south wall, a worn wooden table with three worn chairs in the center of the room, and two mismatched cupboards on the wall opposite the fireplace. A hand woven blanket covered one bedroom doorway on the east wall. I realized, with gratitude, that I had been placed in a corner near the warm hearth. Chipped plates and cups were stacked on the table, a black pot and kettle rested on the hearth, and empty, clay water jugs hung by the door that led outside. I felt restless as I looked at that door.   
  
I should have been out there, should have been doing something besides just lying on the floor ... I sneezed and came back to myself.   
  
Narie was digging in the smaller cupboard. The whole thing was shaking as she muttered and searched for some buried item. Clouds of spices billowed out from it and mingled in the air. It was just my luck that a bunch of pepper would fly into my face. Damn it all! I sneezed again and turned my watering eyes to the ceiling. A thousand different herbs were drying, tied to the rafters.   
  
Finally, just when it seemed that the cupboard would fall over, Narie smirked triumphantly and pulled out a small wooden box. She bustled importantly over to the hearth and opened it for me to see the precious contents - hard-won for peasants - before placing the strong-smelling box next to the kettle. The warmth of her smile reflected in her brown eyes as she said, "We'll have some tea after dinner. I'm sure you have a long story to tell."   
  
I smiled crookedly and rasped softly, "Your daughter thinks that I'm a warrior."   
  
"Riana has an imagination," Narie picked up the black pot, walked to the door and took an empty jug as well, "I know I told her to go and fetch some water, but right now she's probably running over the hills to tell Nell - my older daughter - to leave the sheep and come home because the mysterious adventurer has finally woken." Narie smiled and shook her head as she opened the door and stepped out. She paused for a second to lean against the frame and say, "I blame my husband - rest his soul - really. Always telling her those silly stories. Ah, but he was a good man." Then she was gone.  
  
A few minutes later, she was walking back in, water sloshing over the sides of the black pot and onto her threadbare skirts and bare feet. She knelt heavily to place it on the hook over the fireplace and light the wood. The flickering light threw new shadows over the room and the sharp lines of her face. Her black hair seemed darker as she straightened up. "The girls are home," she remarked. And indeed, the door was flung open and two breathless girls tumbled in.   
  
"Mama, I was bringing the flock in and Riana ran up and started jabbering on about the cat. She said she woke up. Is it true?" asked one girl. Her hair was as red-gold as her sister's, though cropped short, and her green eyes were wide with suspicious excitement. She must have been Nell, the older sister.   
  
Riana dodged around her and yelped, "I told you she never believes me, Mama! Tell her I'm right!" The girl shifted from foot to foot, waiting for sweet vindication. I could have told her it wasn't coming.   
  
"Riana," Narie said, "where's my water?"  
  
"Oh...well," Riana stuttered, "it was; I mean ... I forgot?"  
  
Narie glared dangerously.   
  
"I mean ... I ... I'm getting it right now," Riana finished and scurried back outside.  
  
"No you're not!" snapped Narie, "You kept me waiting so long that I went and got it myself. Come in here and chop the carrots and potatoes. We're having soup tonight. And Nell, dear," she rounded on her eldest, "for your sake, you better have brought the sheep in before running home ... "  
  
"Riana said it was important and - " Nell tried to explain.   
  
"Hurry, before they scatter again!"   
  
"Right!"   
  
I lay back and watched as night fell and dinner unfolded. It was almost like a play. At first it was all frantic running and chopping, then there were about three small crises ["I don't like potatoes!" "I thought it was basil..." "You're spilling everywhere!"] but gradually, the panic subsided and there was only the gentle bubbling of the soup and the soft crackling of the fire. The finale was a delicious dinner, served around the hearth.   
  
I was a bit embarrassed that they were having dinner on the floor because of me, but I don't think they even noticed the difference; they were all smiling. I felt a twinge, and I recognized it as jealousy. They were obviously close, and for all her yelling, Narie was a very loving mother. Riana and Nell got along almost perfectly. They must have been best friends as well as sisters. Narie helped me lift the bowl to my mouth as I slurped broth; she said I could try solids if I wanted, but I didn't feel like pressing my luck. It was good broth, anyway.   
  
Afterward, we sat around the warm fire, contented and almost sleepy. Well, who was I kidding, I was sleepy. I was even weaker than I had thought. I snapped out of the slight doze that I had fallen into as Narie replaced the soup with the kettle and added a few more sticks to the fire. She looked over at me and smiled. Nell and Riana were also smiling and Riana turned to me and said, "We don't get to drink tea very often, but I love it." We hadn't talked much over the soup, but we were comfortable with each other and had at least gotten past 'My name is...' and 'The weather's been nice lately.' I had even gotten from them a vague sense of where I was, near Stillwater and in Lon Denai, a country that's two month's journey from Palas.  
  
"I loved it too," I replied, shifting on the blankets.   
  
"What do you mean 'loved'?" asked Nell. She was the shrewd one; hardly anything got by her.   
  
I hadn't even realized that I'd said it that way. I took a breath and wondered how to explain. "I used to have it a lot, but then I couldn't anymore. It doesn't matter much, though."   
  
The firelight shone in the girls' wide eyes - and even Narie's. I was suddenly the center of attention. "A lot, you mean, like, all the time? Even every day?" Riana asked.   
  
"If I had wanted," I said softly, and turned my gaze to the fire, "but that doesn't matter much." A small grin crept onto my face, "It doesn't matter at all."  
  
"Every day," Nell echoed, and let out a sigh. Narie had a blank look on her face, not doubting the truth of my words, but having a hard time grasping it.   
  
"Were you a princess?" Riana gasped, all the hope and happy endings she had ever heard swimming in her big green eyes. She unconsciously clenched the edge of my blanket in her hands as she waited for my answer. Nell held her breath and stared intensely at the fire, trying to pretend that she didn't care. Narie settled comfortably and merely pulled her hair out of the bun she'd had it in.   
  
I looked at them and smiled. Then I took a deep breath and said, "Something like that."  
  
Riana squealed and bounced on her knees, Narie let out a shocked giggle, and Nell gasped before yelling over Riana's joyous squealing, "Wait! What do you mean by that?"  
  
A wave of memory washed over me and I said, "Have you ever been to Fanelia?"   
  
"No! That's so far! Tell us, Meruru, tell us all about it!"   
  
And so I told them. I told them about the most beautiful valleys and the fiercest dragons, of the silence of a royal throne room and the bustle of a Fanelian market. I told them about what happens when a swordsman finds a little catgirl and brings her home, of how she grows up under international conference tables and has princes for brothers. I amazed them with masque balls and royal entourages. I spent a whole hour explaining a pomegranate and the way an opal shines.   
  
I watched as my life filled their heads and stretched their dreams. They grabbed on to everything I told them, hardly daring to believe it. They laughed, and they cried; they waited breathless for the end of each daring episode. They could almost taste the Fanelian wine.   
  
I yawned as I began to tell them about the day that Folken-sama left to slay a dragon. I really was tired. My hand shook as I sipped a bit of tea. It had gotten cold. I glanced at the girls and their mother. Their eyes were glassy and growing red for want of sleep but they were still alert and waiting for more. I took a helpless breath and was about to start, when Narie shook herself and shouldered the responsibilities of a mother and healer again.  
  
"Meruru, dear," She groaned as she got to her feet, "You need your rest. I'm sorry we've kept you up this long, and the whole time badgering you with all these questions. You must be dead tired." Riana and Nell stifled complaints and the urge to beg me for more as they remembered that I was still healing and that they were tired themselves.   
  
Narie kindly took my tea from me and gathered the dishes as the girls took the extra vegetables to the outside cellar and banked the fire for the night. I wished I could help them; it was the least I could do to repay them. I would have died without their care. That was really something to think about. If they weren't who they were, I would be dead. Gone. My heart went cold for a second as I realized that without them, my revenge would have died with me, and that would have been a shame.   
  
***  
  
I forgot my dream as soon as I woke up. I had a vague feeling that it had been happy; I had woken up smiling. It was still night. The room was dark, and I could hear someone scuffling cautiously toward the hearth and scraping cold soup into a bowl. I looked and saw that it was Nell, tiptoeing around so that I wouldn't wake up. A muttered curse when the spoon dropped made me snort with laughter. Nell froze suddenly, and then relaxed. "Are you awake, Meruru?" she whispered.   
  
"Yeah," I whispered back. I was glad that she couldn't see my grin.   
  
"You can see me, can't you?" she asked curiously. She edged over carefully, hands feeling in the dark, and sat down next to me.  
  
"Yeah," I told her.   
  
"Someone said that you would be able to, but I didn't believe him."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Ran," she said shyly.   
  
"I knew someone named Ran once," I replied. I was silent a moment, lost in memory. Ah, Ran, that idiot. I couldn't help grinning at the thought of him. I stopped before it could hurt and asked, "So who exactly knows that I'm here?"  
  
"Everyone around here, really. It's big news when someone new shows up, especially someone as interesting as you, if I may say so."  
  
Oh, this was just great. "Do they know that I'm...that I was...a slave?" I asked, letting the hateful word fall out of my mouth.  
  
"Oh, no!" she answered, forgetting to whisper. "Mama told us to tell no one about that."  
  
"Your mother is wise," I sighed. Nell opened her mouth to say something but then stopped. She didn't understand and was too embarrassed to ask. I sighed again and said, "You know, a slave is worth a lot of money."  
  
Nell's eyes opened wide as she suddenly understood. "Oh, Meruru! I won't tell anyone, I promise!" She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself. "We're the same age, Meruru, you and me. But you're so...I don't know...it's just...I can't even think about some of the things...you know what I mean," she whispered apologetically.   
  
I didn't really know what to say, but I tried anyway. "Nell, we're not that much different, even if we are. I'm like you, I guess. But I've just been thrown into so many things... and, honestly, if I could...I'd cut off my tail to make some of the things I've been through undone and untrue." I felt an old pain coming over me. I'd kept it down and hidden for so long, and now it fought it's way out. I dug my claws into the blankets.  
  
"Nell, I wish that I could have grown up like you. I have so much to do, but when I'm done I'm going to live like this. Just like this," I whispered fiercely. The weight of memories was crushing me. I felt sorry for poor Nell, listening to my rantings in the dark. I struggled to fight off the pain in my heart, to put it away again. Silence reigned for one long minute.   
  
"Take my hand, Meruru, I know you can see it," Nell commanded. She held up her right hand. I was shocked for a second but I did as she said. "Let's be friends, Meruru," she smiled down at our hands, "and when you're done with what you have to do, and you want to live just like this, come live here."   
  
I remembered doing something like this before, saying words like this before, and I bit back tears for someone I used to know.   
  
"Are you crying, Meruru?" Nell asked, feeling me shake.   
  
"No, I'm not." I squeezed her hand and said, "Let's be friends, Nell."   
  
"Forever?" She smiled and squeezed back.  
  
"Forever and a day," I promised.   
  
  
  
***  
  
.   
  
The next two weeks passed by slowly for me. But I was getting stronger and could stay awake longer. I was becoming a better storyteller too, and had actually managed to finish telling the Destiny War. It had been long and hard, and I noticed as I told it that I was able to tell the girls so much more than I had ever told the court historians.   
  
I sheepishly admitted this to Nell, and she smiled widely and said, "What are friends for?" I didn't really get it, or maybe I did because I felt the warmth rising on my cheeks. Nell laughed, and so did I.   
  
For the past week I had been spending time each day trying to sit up on my own. My wound ached whenever I tried this, and Narie cuffed me around the head the fifth time she caught me saying, "For the gods' sake, Meruru! You're going to pull something!"   
  
I kept trying anyway, whenever the others went to sleep, and actually managed to stay sitting without any support for long periods of time. I couldn't manage standing and walking though, and I always ended up falling to sleep exhausted and disappointed. I wondered if I wouldn't be happy until I could sling a sword again.   
  
At night I dreamed of running, swimming, and throwing, any type of movement. The door and the world beyond called to me. I began unraveling my blanket in fits of annoyance [I stopped wringing my tail when I noticed a tiny bald spot on the end.] Nell noticed, and brought me a box of colored string and wooden beads. She taught me how to make bracelets and other trinkets to sell at the market. "This should keep you busy, Meruru," she laughed.   
  
I smiled, embarrassed as I realized how immature I had been acting. I tried to quit sulking and to be productive. After all, I had waited a whole month while I slept, and I could wait longer. I'd have my chance to make things right.   
  
I spent my days laughing with Nell and Riana, teaching them to do their hair like the ladies at court and gossiping about boys. Narie let me chop and peel for her, and I often found myself holding large amounts of yarn around my hands as she knitted. I would often forget myself and bat at the oh-so-tempting string, causing the girls to laugh. I was beginning to feel as if I had always been there, at the cottage, and probably always would be. It felt good.   
  
Evenings were spent around the glow of the hearth. As the fire settled I looked into it and spoke. After all, my story wasn't over. It started after the war, in the time when Fanelia was being brought back to life. You see, my story had just begun. 


	3. It Seemed Like a Good Idea

Chapter 3: It Seemed Like a Good Idea  
  
I remembered back to the time when my journey started. Though I didn't know it then, I only had two days left at the palace.   
  
***  
  
I looked at the girl in the mirror and couldn't keep myself from smiling. "You look beautiful, Lady Meruru," the old maid said. I blushed and giggled as she took my hand and twirled me around so that I could see the sky blue silk billow and swirl and the pretty silver laces of the corset crossing my back.   
  
"She does," Van chimed from the doorway. My blush deepened as I realized that it was him and what he had said. He grinned and made a deep bow before saying, in a dignified voice, "May I escort you to the ballroom, milady?"   
  
"Oh, sir! How bold of you!" I laughed as I put a hand to my forehead and pretended to faint. Van-sama caught me, of course. He was in a great mood, almost bubbly. I briefly wondered why.   
  
He smiled, pushed me back to my feet and said, "But seriously, we should be going now. I have to be there, first."   
  
"But I'll look so lame if I'm the only one there when everyone else arrives!"  
  
"I'll be there too," Van said, "And I'm not forcing you to come with me. Come later if it makes you happy."  
  
Go later...without Van? I hadn't thought of that.  
  
"Well...I guess I could do that, but shouldn't a king have his loyal pet at his side?"   
  
Van frowned slightly, "I wouldn't call you my 'pet', Meruru."  
  
"Why not? That's what everyone else calls me," I giggled.   
  
"They shouldn't...it's not like..." he muttered distractedly, "You're more like my sister." And with that said, he ruffled my hair and declared, "Come on, Meruru. Let's quit talking about it and go. If it bothers you, you can just hide underneath the dessert table until after all of the guests arrive."  
  
"I will not! I haven't done that since I was five, Van-sama! And you messed up my hair! Bela worked so hard, and now she'll have to -"  
  
"Meruru, don't whine like that. You're fifteen now; act your age," he said, cutting me off, and then, as if to take the edge off his words, "Don't worry about your hair; it looks fine."   
  
I looked a question at Bela, but she just smiled and brushed a few strands away from my face and fixed my tiara, saying, "You look wonderful, Lady. The young men won't have chance."   
  
I smiled widely, the color rising in my cheeks, and looped my arm around Van's. "Let's go, Van-sama."   
  
"Finally," he grinned.   
  
***  
  
The ball was wonderful. It was the first major celebratory function at the new palace. In fact it was the first official Fanelian Royal Ball since before the Destiny War. Of course, the wild partying in the refugee camps and the three-day ragers in the forest that took place in the weeks after the war ended had been - to say nothing - fun. But there is a whole different atmosphere at a Royal Ball, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.  
  
I had never wanted to go to these royal functions before, except to tag along after Van, but for some reason, this was different. This time, I had actually let Greta dress me up in the long dress with the big skirts and curl my hair into ringlets beneath a silver tiara. Maybe it was the way the stable boy turned red when I glanced his way, or maybe it was because you don't waltz with your little sister.   
  
I made my way around the edges of the huge room, making polite conversation with all the visiting nobles, casually going from group to group like some kind of social butterfly. When I had finished with the formalities, I quickly found the youngest raven-haired princess of Tarva, Vanessa. She was easy to spot; scarlet was her favorite color for gowns. "It's good to see you here Vanessa-hime," I said warmly.   
  
She barely glanced at me before saying, "It is good to be here, thank you. Fanelian hospitality is tru- Meruru? Is that really you?" Vanessa took a double take and then threw her arms around me in a joyful hug. "It's been too long Meruru. Why, I haven't seen you since the last treaty signing. And what happened to that scruffy little girl in sandals? You've grown into a beautiful woman, Meruru."  
  
"Not nearly as pretty as you, Vanessa. How've you been?"  
  
Her indigo eyes sparkled, "Fantastic. You wouldn't even believe. You remember that squire at the summer palace right?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"Well...he promised to ask for my hand in marriage as soon as he becomes a knight!"  
  
"Vanessa!" I squealed.   
  
"I know! I'm so happy, I could just die!"  
  
"That's the fifth proposal this year, Vanessa!"  
  
"I know! But I reeeaaaaally like this one! I swear!" She laughed excitedly, "You know I'd take them more seriously if any of them had a chance of getting past Daddy." She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial tone and said, "You know, I think he's still holding out for, you-know-who." Vanessa rolled her eyes toward the dais, where Van was shaking hands with a dignitary from Tarva.  
  
"You mean Van-sama?"  
  
"Who else? It's not like many unmarried kings of his most eligible daughter's age are just lying around."  
  
"I don't think it'll work," I muttered.  
  
"Neither do I. Everyone knows that the King of Fanelia is waiting for a Mystic Moon angel to reappear."  
  
"I know. I've tried everything to get him to forget Lady Hitomi," I said sadly, "but he still stares at the moon every night."   
  
Vanessa and I sighed dreamily at the tragic romance of it all. Then Vanessa looked at me, and I looked at Vanessa. "Hey, Meruru?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I think I saw a couple cute and lonely-looking barons' sons over there."  
  
"You don't say."  
  
"Yes, and wouldn't it be a shame if they never saw the new Fanelian Palace Gardens?"  
  
"Oh, definitely."  
  
"Yes, definitely."   
  
***  
  
"I still think that you should have let me have Geoff."  
  
"There wasn't anything wrong with Ryo," Vanessa said, buttering a piece of toast. We had decided to take lunch in my room. Well, breakfast; we hadn't woken up until past noon and were still sitting around in robes and slippers.   
  
"No, there was nothing wrong with him, except that he forgot my name six times." I glared at her and took a bite of my apple.   
  
"Maybe he was just stunned senseless by your beauty," she said innocently. She became increasingly interested in her toast. "Geoff remembered your name; you're all he wanted to talk about."   
  
"You're just trying to make me feel better." I took another bite of my apple.   
  
"No, really. He was obsessed, Meruru." She smiled.   
  
"Oh, of course. So that's why he was all over you on the rose terrace." Her mouth dropped as a blush rose on her cheeks. I smirked at her before taking the toast out of her hand and taking a bite.   
  
"You saw that?" Vanessa frowned.  
  
"Vanessa, everyone saw that. I wouldn't be surprised if it's national news by now." I started laughing. "I should never leave you by yourself, Vanessa. Every time, I swear!" Her blush deepened, and then she burst into laughter too, shaking her head.   
  
"I try," she managed between giggles. "Daddy won't be happy."   
  
"That's saying nothing! I just don't get how you do it? I mean...every time!"  
  
"Be nice, Meruru! I don't do these things all the time, just sometimes. Well, a lot of the time." She grabbed the toast out of my hand and managed to take more than half in a single bite. "You're not so innocent yourself, dear. I can remember you getting real cozy with Sergio at the Winter Solstice."   
  
I felt my face grow hot. "We were twelve, Vanessa! All he did was put his arm around me; and it was cold. So there." I stuck my tongue out before taking the toast again.   
  
"Oh, you liked it," she giggled. She took a sip of her coffee. "Forget about stupid Ryo; he's a moron. If you ask me, he was afraid of you." Vanessa smiled devilishly. "Let's go riding today, I know the stable boy fancies a certain pink-haired girl I know."   
  
"You need to quit gossiping with the staff," I mumbled. I knew he was crazy about me, but he'd be crazy about Vanessa if I let her anywhere near him. She had that effect on boys. Well, if she could teach it, I could learn. "Vanessa? Would you help me pick an outfit today?"   
  
I looked over at Vanessa, waiting for her to burst out laughing. Instead, she was staring at me with a strange look on her face. She calmly set down her coffee and continued to study me.   
  
I raised an eyebrow, "What?"  
  
Finally, she spoke, "You're not joking are you, Meruru?"  
  
"Er...no." My tail twitched under the table. "You don't have to, Vanessa. Jeez, I was just - " But she cut me off.   
  
"You don't know how long I've been waiting for this!" she squealed in joy. I looked up at her, shocked, as she happily rambled on. "You could look so cute, Meruru! No, you're going to look so cute! I'm so glad you're letting me do this instead of some ugly old lady-in-waiting."  
  
"Vanessa...they're just clothes," I said weakly. I was beginning to wonder what I done.  
  
"What? Oh, no, no, no. This," she held up a finger, "this is a makeover." She pulled me up out of my chair and over to the large wardrobe. She rummaged inside it, shaking her head and tossing things out behind her. "That's it. We're going shopping."  
  
"Shopping?"  
  
***  
  
Five hours and a whole lot of money later, we were flopped down on my four-poster, ripping open paper wrapped packages and sorting them into piles of what Vanessa called "dressy, casual, and special occasion." I was dazed, to say the least. I carefully picked up something that seemed to be made of lace and bits of mirror. "Vanessa...what is this?"   
  
"Hmm? Oh, you wear that over...this one." She threw a black sleeveless dress at me.   
  
"Ok then." I held them both in my hands and tried to imagine myself wearing them. I smiled. "Vanessa, this stuff is great."  
  
"Isn't it, though?"  
  
"Yes! I like it! And, gods, it's a lot." I waved my hand at the piles of clothes. I realized that she had paid for it all. I made a mental note to do something nice for her later. I looked at the clothes again. Something very nice.   
  
"I told you it was a makeover, Meruru. You have to get a lot of stuff when you have a makeover. If you ask me, we could have gotten more," she said seriously. She threw something pink and silky on the special occasion pile. "Dinner starts in an hour. We should go; I have to represent Tarva tonight." She picked up orange-yellow dress. "You should wear this."  
  
"It almost reminds me of the war." I took it from her. "You know how I always wore that one dress." I smiled ruefully and ran my fingers over the fabric. "It's a pretty dress. This one, I mean."   
  
"It's a good color for you," she said. She looked away. "Come on; let's get ready. I'll do your makeup for you."  
  
"Right. Thanks." I put down the dress and dug around until I found my new cosmetics. I still couldn't figure out exactly what all the little brushes and colors were for, but Vanessa seemed to know what she was doing.   
  
Two hours later, we were ready. I was still mad at Vanessa for poking me in the eye with the liner and she was still laughing about it. To be honest, it was funny, but hell if I'd admit it. I tugged at the lace on my collar; it was itchy. Vanessa told me not to think about it, but I'd never worn any off-the-shoulder clothes before and it felt strange. I imagined my dress falling off in the middle of dinner. It made a disturbing visual.   
  
"You're doing it again," Vanessa murmured as she brushed on one last coat of red lip color.   
  
"Are you sure it's supposed to be like this?" I growled, pointing to the low neckline.   
  
Vanessa laughed. "Yes, I am. I don't see why you care anyway. Most of your old clothes were dresses that came up to here." She drew an imaginary line across her thighs.   
  
"I don't care," I sniffed, "these clothes are just weird, that's all." Vanessa gave me a look, a five-hundred-gold-pieces-and-you-call-it-weird look. "It's pretty, Vanessa. Weird, but pretty." She threw me another look. I threw it back, and we both giggled.   
  
When we finally made it down to the dining hall, the appetizers had already been served. We slid into seats and conversations with ease. I glared down the long oak table at the man occupying the seat next to Van. That was my seat; it just was. I twirled my fork and stabbed a stuffed mushroom, and another, and another.   
  
"Meruru, quit murdering the mushrooms," Vanessa whispered into my left ear. She delicately placed one in her mouth to make her point. I stuck my tongue out but put my fork down. I turned my attention to the conversation on my right.   
  
" ... restoration is coming along beautifully," the young man next to me said around a mouthful of fried bread.   
  
"Yes, and quickly, too," the man across from me, the Baron Ulrich, replied.   
  
"As quickly as you can expect from a backwards little country like this," guffawed a voice somewhere farther off to my right.   
  
My tail puffed out and a low growl rumbled in my chest as the men laughed politely with the person who made the comment.   
  
"Now, Sir Maren, it may be a bit...rural, but Fanelia is quite modern, and has, in fact, made surprising advances in technology during this rebuilding period," said the young man next to me. Then he glanced nervously at the claws that I had dug into the tablecloth and unconsciously inched away.   
  
"Yes, the rotating drag-energist used in - " the Baron started.   
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know. But it's the people here, so crude and barbaric. I can hardly stand it. I'll be glad when this Ball business is over," Sir Maren continued.   
  
The man next to me made some excuse to leave, giving me a clear view of the recently knighted Sir Tama Maren. The young and only son of a rather affluent trader, Tama considered himself clever, sophisticated, and dashingly handsome. Only the last was true, and the permanent sneer he wore ruined it a bit.   
  
Tama Maren and I had been enemies ever since he was eight, I was five, and he had thought it would be funny to tie rags to my tail...and then light them on fire. I've had a slight, unshakable, phobia of fire since then. My only consolation is that the day after he did that I bit his arm so hard it left permanent scars, scars I reopened when he was twelve and tried to cut off a large chunk of Vanessa's hair while she was looking the other way. I had scars from him too. It seemed that we had never been able to be in the same place without coming to blows. And the way things were going this night...  
  
Tama caught my eye briefly and measured my anger in a glance. He smirked and flicked a few strands of blonde hair away from his face. "Honestly, I haven't been in decent company since I set foot over the border. You know," he said smoothly, "talking to you has been a relief, sir Baron. There simply aren't any intellectuals - like you, for example - in Fanelia, and certainly no one with the capacity to discuss anything of interest. These past few nights, I've felt as if I've been dining with animals." Tama secretly winked at me as the Baron chuckled with indulgence and made a remark about young men judging too harshly.   
  
"You're using such big words, Tama. Don't you wish you knew what they meant?" I asked sweetly. He didn't miss the fact that I had called him Tama, and not the Sir Maren that his newly acquired knighthood merited.  
  
The Baron sniffed and gave me a reprimanding look, but Tama merely smiled widely saying, "Ah, Meruru darling. You've cleaned up a bit, haven't you?" He ran his grey eyes over me approvingly. "You even look like a girl now."   
  
"And you haven't changed at all, darling," I spat back at him. I hated the way he was able to make me feel awkward with just a glance. I liked my new clothes, dammit. I had a strong desire to reach over and scratch his face; he was damned lucky that there was still an empty seat between us. The Baron looked at Tama and then at me, and wisely decided to withdraw from the conversation.   
  
"So how has life been treating you, Meruru?" Tama asked. Anyone else would have mistaken his tone for civil, but I had known him too long to ignore the acid in his voice.   
  
"Things have been going well," I said, warily. I slowly unhooked my claws from the tablecloth, determined to keep them folded and under the table. I hadn't seen Tama since before the Destiny War. Politely, and with all the sweetness of an arsenic pie, I asked, "And how have you been these past few years? We've sorely missed your presence at the last six conferences."   
  
"I knew you missed me," he slid down the long wooden bench and took the place next to me. He grinned, "I didn't mean to deprive you, but I've been busy. A knight errant is never idle." Tama lazily rested his elbows on the table, taking up as much space as possible. His knee brushed up against my skirt and my hate for him bubbled up in barely contained growls. "You see, Meruru, some people - like me for instance - actually have important business to attend to each day." He paused to take a long drink of wine, "But that kind of thing is of no interest to a pretty little poppet, now is it?" The young knight smiled and waited for my reply, knowing that he had struck a nerve.  
  
I drank deeply from my wine goblet, imagining that it was Tama's blood. My official title was Royal Companion. That title came with absolutely no responsibilities, save to keep court etiquette, but also no authority. The name itself, 'Royal Companion', often incited rumors and bawdy jokes. Setting the goblet down I took a breath and licked the bittersweet drops from my lips. "Well, Tama, I see that you still have no idea what young ladies like myself do find interesting."  
  
He laughed and drank a bit more wine, "Oh, Meruru, you darling thing." His dark eyes shone, "You were always the kitten with the sharpest claws." Tama eyed the small holes I had unconsciously ripped in the tablecloth. He sipped his wine thoughtfully and then whispered, "But if you really want to know how interesting I can be, just ask the scullery maid, the chef's fourth assistant, Lady Contessa de -"  
  
"Enough, Tama," I said in disgust.   
  
"Enough? You can never get enough - " he happily continued before I cut him off.  
  
"No, that's not what I meant. I've had enough of you, Tama. I really have." I closed my eyes and drank what was left of my wine. I poured myself another goblet full as I cursed my bad luck. Gods, there is not enough wine in the world for this kind of torture, I lamented.   
  
"I was only joking, Meruru," he grinned and feigned indignation.   
  
"It wasn't funny," I snapped. If he chose to sit next to me all evening, I wouldn't be able to bear it. I couldn't excuse myself, not until after the first course at least. My ears swiveled backwards at the sound of a harp.   
  
Servants spilled forth from behind several tapestries. The first string of them gracefully lifted used plates and half-finished platters away, while a second group laid out fresh new spectacles of food: exotic fruit and flower salads, light soups with fish-shaped crackers floating in them, baby fowl that had been painstakingly baked into eggs of dough and smothered in gravy, and other extraordinary dishes. A final group of servers set out new decanters of wine, of a finer vintage, and took the old ones away. I watched them file out, disappearing one-by-one behind the tapestries.   
  
It had actually been my idea to hang large tapestries in front of the servants' entrances. The intricately woven cloths hid the entrances nicely and added color to the grand hall. We hadn't had any reason to use the hall until the Royal Ball, and this had been my first time seeing my idea put to use. I was pleased enough to forget Tama for the moment, and turned to say something to Vanessa.   
  
She was deep in conversation with the young man next to her. From the way she was giggling I knew she wasn't going to pay any mind to me. Well, damn, I thought, I was going to enjoy this. I reached out for a piece of fried bread, not really caring whether I saved room for the later courses. I'd be leaving after the second meat of the first course. Anything after that would be too ornate to really be filling. Why someone would want to eat a bird stuffed with fruits, I will never know, I mused. Then I caught the smell of real meat, the kind that made my nose twitch and my ears perk up straight.   
  
Embarrassed, I backed my ears and took a bite of bread to hide my blush.   
  
"Hungry?" Tama waved a forkful of nanalo meat inches in front my nose.  
  
"You conceited . . . " I paused, searching for a word suitable for the utter loathing I held for him.   
  
"And charming young man," he finished for me, while placing the fork in my open mouth.   
  
My face went utterly red and my tail puffed under the table. I must have looked quite savage indeed, ears backed, eyes narrowed. My claws unsheathed themselves and my hand darted up to his face before I realized what I was doing.   
  
His hand shot up and caught mine inches from his cool grey eyes. "Down, kitty," he chuckled. He rolled his eyes and said to the Baron and other startled guests, "The young lady has fits, please forgive her." A few of the more high-strung ladies fanned themselves nervously, and a murmur started along our section of the long table. If it was possibly I glowed redder and my tail twitched beneath my full skirts. I wanted to crawl beneath the table and not come out the way I had on my seventh birthday. Learning to walk on two legs had been hard and I had fallen in front of Van-sama and all the guests. That same shame was twisting my stomach in knots as I tried to ignore the whispers and condescending glances of the guests.   
  
"Meruru, perhaps you should lay yourself down for a rest," Vanessa placed her hand on my shoulder and glared daggers at the still-smirking Tama. "I shouldn't have tired you out so today, you really shouldn't push yourself, not in your condition. Go now and rest, Meruru, dear. I'll tell Van-sama where you've gone." She brushed a stray lock behind my ear and hugged me comfortingly.   
  
"You're right, Vanessa, I am feeling a bit weak," I said in a slightly breathless voice. I mentally thanked Vanessa a thousand times in my mind. She would cover for me, claiming that I had weak blood and was often woozy. I gathered my skirts in one hand and rose slowly to my feet. "Good evening, Vanessa-hime. Sir Baron, lords and ladies. I shall hope to see you all at the hunt tomorrow morning. Good evening." I stepped carefully over the bench. I focused on not bolting for the door. No need to make another scene.   
  
"Please, Lady Meruru, allow me to escort you. A girl in your condition shouldn't be left to wander alone. You may fall and hurt yourself," Tama stood, hand extended. His face was the very picture of polite concern. The ladies seated around us gave approving looks and commented on his gentlemanly manner.   
  
You bastard, I inwardly seethed at him. I couldn't very well refuse. I was supposed to be acting the invalid, and it would be a breach of etiquette to tell him no. Vanessa looked at him in disbelief; there was nothing she could do. Her place was at the table, representing Tarva. She looked at me apologetically. She seemed about to say something, but Tama gripped my hand and bustled me off, murmuring polite good evenings over his shoulder.   
  
I struggled to keep up with him for a few seconds, and then caught his fast pace. "You disgust me," I snarled, letting my claws dig into his hand. He slowed down without warning, and I stumbled over the hem of my dress. I bit my tongue and glared dangerously at him. He merely smiled, looped his arm around mine more properly, and continued on his merry way towards the main hall entrance. I glared darkly at the ground, determined to keep composure until I was out of sight.   
  
"Try to look less like you're about to slaughter everyone here, and more like you're actually feeling faint," Tama whispered in my ear. It was tickly and hot at the same time. I flicked my ear back, ignoring him. Happy thoughts, Meruru, happy thoughts ... like that really works ...  
  
We walked in silence for a few more minutes, until I noticed that he had not led me to my rooms but had instead taken us down a different hallway. We stood in front of a wooden door.   
  
"Where do you think we're going?" I asked him incredulously. I was in no mood for another prank. I really wasn't.   
  
"Hush, now," he said smugly, opening the door and pushing me roughly outside.   
  
"Hey!" I yelled, "What's your damned problem!"   
  
"No problems, little miss," he stepped out into the palace gardens and closed the door behind him. "If you'll just - "  
  
But he never got to finish. I punched him squarely across the cheek. Tama's head whipped to the side and he took a step back. I shoved him back against the door and raised my right arm to hit him again. He blinked and caught my fist in his hand, stepping forward and roughly pushing me off of him.   
  
"Gods, Meruru!" He cracked his neck to one side, then the other. "You really haven't changed, have you?" He ducked and managed to throw me over his shoulder as I leapt for his throat. I lay dazed on the grass, the wind knocked out of me, staring at the night sky. "Are you done yet?" Tama's face loomed high above. I coughed, and he took it as a yes.  
  
He bent and grabbed me under the knees and shoulders, then set me down on my feet. I dizzily kept my balance. He brushed a few strands of hair behind my ear before I could swat his hand away. "I was only trying to help," he shrugged. I took a step back from him and straightened out my skirts. I had broken at least one of the hoops that kept my dress full and floaty.   
  
"What do you want, Tama? What? You've already embarrassed me in front of at least a hundred nobles. Everything was perfect and you ruined it. What more could you want?" I asked, utterly exhausted. He looked at me, coolly and unconcerned.   
  
"What would you have said if I had politely asked you to accompany me to the gardens for a private discussion?" he asked, grey eyes serious.   
  
"No." I spat at the ground, and started turning to go.   
  
"You'll want to hear this, Meruru. Trust me, you will." He pulled something fluid and silver from a pocket on his sleeve. It flashed briefly in the moonlight as he tossed it to me. I reflexively twisted and threw out an arm to catch it.   
  
The thing fell like water into my hand and pooled in my palm. It took me a second to realize that it was a fine silver chain. I carefully picked it up with my left hand and held it up to the moons. It glittered uncontrollably, as if a quicksilver fire burned within. A small circular pendant of the same metal hung from it. My right hand curled around it and my thumb lifted a catch on it, as if I had known it was there all along.   
  
"Tama...this is..." I trailed off as the little hinges on it swung open and a soft blue glow spilled onto my hand. The pendant had unfastened to reveal a smooth round stone that emanated an azure aura; it was beautiful. As I looked at it more closely, I began to see milky patterns gliding and rearranging themselves across the surface. I gazed at it a moment longer, and then looked to Tama for an explanation.   
  
He was studying me intently. A strange expression played across his face, as if he were fighting an inward battle. "Beautiful, isn't it." he stated. Something like regret swam in his eyes, I smelled frustration on him.   
  
"It is." I closed it and carefully held it out towards him, waiting for him to take it.   
  
He ran a hand through his hair and then shook his head. A slow smile spread across his face. "No, Meruru. It's not mine." Our gazes met for long while. I couldn't comprehend what was shining is his dark grey eyes. Since when had it mattered whether something belonged to him or not? Why was he showing this to me? It couldn't be ...  
  
"Mine?" I asked, slowly pulling my arm back. I cradled the necklace in my hands, shivering slightly in the cool night air. The pendant felt strange in my palms, as if I had known it once, but it had changed. It purred noiselessly and vibrated without moving at all. The patterns that had crawled across the jewel seemed to be seeping out and winding themselves across the metal. It was ...  
  
Relieved ... and happy ... going mad ... missed you so ...too long ...no longer alone ...never ...  
  
"What is it?" I asked dazedly, letting it slip through my fingers and fall to the grass. "It was talking to me. I don't . . . what is it?" I asked helplessly. I looked at the silver lying near my feet. It was barely a hair's breadth away from my skirts, and I could still feel it thrumming though it gradually faded away. Another moment and it was cold and smooth surfaced again. It could have been a dream.   
  
I looked up at Tama, he was holding out his coat, eyes cast down. I took it without a word, feeling the warm cloth of it, glad that it was rough and tangible and not in any way strange. I put in on and hugged myself tightly. Tama silently picked up the pendant and placed it in a small leather pouch around his neck. He smiled weakly at me. "Might I have a word with you, then?"  
  
I nodded mutely, embroiled in my own thoughts.   
  
"Let's walk then." He offered his arm, then shrugged when I declined. He took a few steps toward the wilder and unfinished section of the gardens, looking back to see if I followed.   
  
I blinked and let my arms fall back to my sides. The jewel was familiar and disturbing at the same time. My life up until this point seemed strangely two-dimensional. Like someone else's memories. This wasn't right, or maybe it was. I could walk away. I could go to my room and try on clothes until Vanessa came to visit me. We'd laugh and plot revenge against Tama, and everything would be just fine.   
  
"Meruru?" Tama called impatiently, snapping me out of my thoughts.  
  
I paused for a moment, just one. "I'm coming." 


	4. Flight

Chapter 4: Flight  
  
The calming light of the moons shone down on us as we walked deeper into the wild section of the gardens. Soon though, little moonlight fell on us at all, as the shrubs grew thicker and the trees taller and closer together. For a long while we walked in silence, putting distance between ourselves and the castle. Only the sound of Tama's heavy boots and breathing disturbed the gentle murmur of the forest. Finally, in a small overgrown clearing, we stopped.   
  
I'd left my cumbersome gown behind, stripping off layers of silk and lace skirts as I walked, until only a cotton shift and Tama's coat remained. I'd kept the coat more out of a sense of awkwardness than a genuine aversion to cold. I was no stranger to cold nights.  
  
"Here, this seems fitting," he breathed and sat down on what remained of a stone bench. I looked at the place he had chosen. A once glorious fountain was slowly crumbling to dust in the clearing, and of the benches that had once surrounded it only one remained. An ancient statue gazed down on us from the center of the fountain, her marble eyes cracked and shadowed by flowering creepers. By some miracle the water was still running, drop by drop from the eyes of the statue. I perched on the lip of the crumbling fountain, letting my fingers trail in the clear cold water. Tama pulled the soft leather pouch from beneath his shirt and tossed it to me. "You shouldn't feel it so much if it doesn't touch your skin," he said, "you can keep that if you want."   
  
"What is it?" I asked as I slipped the leather thong around my neck. The necklace purred inside of it, but the feeling was somehow further away this time and I was able to ignore it after a few seconds. Tama still hadn't answered my question. My tail twitched around my bare feet as I held his eyes, waiting.   
  
"Meruru, did you never wonder where you came from?" he asked, amiable and guarded at the same time.   
  
"I come from Fanelia," I replied, annoyed. A walk in the garden was nice, but I had come for answers and only for that.   
  
"No, Meruru darling, before that. Think back, if you can remember that far, to before you were brought to the palace." He waited for a reply, knowing I couldn't answer him. His questions irritated me, as if something were caught in my fur. It was there, but I couldn't quite work it out.   
  
"I'm tired of this," I huffed. He was keeping things from me, that much was clear. There are few things I hate more than obvious secrets. Tama had run me till the absolute end of my patience. I looked around at the trees, the statue, the rotting vegetation where the gardens met the forest and wondered why this idiot had dragged me out here.   
  
"You can't remember, can you?" His grey eyes bored into mine, searching. He looked away quickly and became distracted with the dirt under his shoe. "My order is very strict. I hadn't wanted to be the one to tell you all this." He looked up, startled and confused as I laughed heartily.   
  
"You didn't want to?" I asked, stifling giggles. "Oh, Tama, I thought you were your own man? Isn't that what you said?" I laughed merrily. Ever since the age of ten he had sworn that he would have no masters and that he would never become the tired duty-bound man that his father was. I knew he was trying to be serious, but I was worn-out and feeling spiteful. The confused look melted from his face and the old smirk and hooded eyes replaced it.   
  
"Well if that's how you're going to be," he sneered, "I'll just tell you straight out. Your new dresses and manners aren't going to be of any use to you. Your life here is over, Meruru, unless you plan on dying by noon tomorrow." He flicked a few strands of blonde hair away from his face. "But don't let me stop you, I'm sure you're capable of taking care of yourself. Leave. Go home, by all means." He crossed his arms over his chest, daring me to walk away.   
  
I looked at him, blinking. Had he just predicted my death? What exactly was it that he had to tell me? Why did he have to run in circles instead of coming to the point? My death? I felt the weight of the leather pouch around my neck more heavily. What this silver trinket had to do with me, I did not know. I considered leaving, quickly and through the trees. Tama wouldn't be able to keep up. Frustration boiled up inside of me.  
  
"If you're staying, then," Tama teased. He shifted on the bench, getting comfortable. He looked at me as if expecting another interruption, but I merely crossed my legs and folded my hands in my lap as if he were telling the most interesting story in the world. "Right," he smirked. "So you've never wondered where you came from, what family you belong to, who your mother was. Gods know you never even guessed at your father," he laughed and looked to me. I scowled and he only smiled before continuing, "You're getting to be a big girl now. It's time you knew. Look behind you, at the statue."  
  
I looked warily over my shoulder at the stone figure behind me. It stood on a low column in the center of the fountain, the slowly deteriorating figure of a woman, or rather of a goddess. She was moss-covered, the details of her face and clothing worn smooth by seasons of rain, ice, and wind. "It's a goddess," I said, unsure of what was expected of me.   
  
"Very good, little kitten. Do you know who it is?"   
  
Vague memories of being captured and forced into formal dresses and then threatened with fates worse than death if I spoke during religious ceremonies came to mind. "No," I chirped, letting my feet swing back and forth. Tama shook his head knowingly and took a deep breath, preparing to educate me where scores of priests had failed.   
  
"Meruru, here stands our goddess of mercy, Sarinel. Gracious Death is her consort and Sleep is her only child. In certain sacred woods you will find a statue of the Lady in the middle of a spring. She wears no shoes and a grey mantle covers her beautiful head. Her arms are open and her eyes are closed. The goddess is blind and understands only the vibrations of the soul. Phlox and soft moss grow around the edges of the spring and poets often lay themselves down beside the cool waters, seeking divine inspiration. It is said that a Weeping Pool is born where lovers and madmen lay down to die. The Mournful Lady's tears bubble up from the deep places of the earth and the tortured souls drift down into the merciful embrace of the goddess," Tama finished with a smirk and a sigh.   
  
I stopped swinging my feet and found that I had suddenly become uncomfortable on the lip of the fountain. "Is this...?" I trailed off, looking to Tama for an answer.  
  
"No, it's not a true Weeping Pool. This is just a fountain, and from the looks of it one that's been let rot for quite some time." He looked disgustedly at the crumbling marble, the moss and vines growing over Sarinel's once lovely face. "It never would have been this way when Lunaru was alive. She was the last true priestess to Sarinel." And suddenly, his eyes bored into mine with electric intensity, "She was your mother."  
  
Mother. I felt as if I had never really heard the word before. Memories, this time of soft arms and gentle singing, but that was Varie, not ... not my mother. When I had been younger, nine or so, I had created my own picture of my mother in my mind. She had been tall and beautiful, with fierce eyes and a rough way of hugging that was more like pouncing. But she wasn't real, and I knew she never had been, so I flung that false image far away from myself. Now, in the garden, I saw her as plainly as the day I had first created her. "Lunaru," I breathed, as if invoking her name would make her real. And then the question that had nestled itself at the bottom of my heart and lain there sleeping for every day since the day I had first heard the word 'orphan' tore itself loose from my mouth, "Why did she leave me?"  
  
I could have choked on the silence that followed.  
  
"Lunaru died bringing you into this world," Tama said quietly, eyes cast down. Another long silence followed and I hollowly noted that the night breeze had gotten colder. The garden hushed and murmured around me, the moons staring balefully down upon the little clearing. All this time, I had wondered, and I had learned to love and hate the mother that had abandoned me so intensely that it became one single emotion. Hurt. I had hurt and I had blamed, and now that I had finally found the answer, I wasn't prepared. She didn't leave me. I killed her.   
  
I blinked hard and swallowed. Tama was talking again, but I couldn't hear him above the roaring in my ears. No, I told myself, no that's not right. The pendant hummed viciously in the leather pouch around my neck. I numbly loosened the drawstrings and began pulling the bag open. I wanted to hear voices in my head. I wanted to feel like I was going crazy. Anything would have been better than the terrible numbness that had taken hold of me.  
  
"You, girl, are you listening?" Tama had gotten up and walked over to me, attempting to recapture my attention. "Kitten, darling, poppet, thing ... Meruru, listen!"   
  
I snapped back into focus just before turning the leather pouch upside down and spilling its contents onto my waiting hand. My confusion turned to anger in less than a second. "What?" I demanded. I hadn't been referred to as a thing for a long time. People who did that were just not safe afterwards.   
  
"I'm trying to explain some very important things to you right now, so if-" Tama suddenly stopped and looked around. He had only a second to throw himself to the ground as two arrows hissed through the empty space where his head had been. He instantly grabbed my ankle and pulled me roughly to the ground, crouching over me and muttering strange words. I gasped as I felt raw power coursing over his skin. Everywhere his body touched mine I felt a crawling electric sensation. Three more arrows flew towards us, but turned to ashes in midair as if they had hit an invisible wall of fire. "Gods, they're here already," he cursed savagely, "But where are ... no!"   
  
Another volley of arrows hit the invisible shield and turned to cinders, but one made it through and thudded into the ground beside my hand. "Get up, now," Tama commanded. He grabbed my wrist and dove into the trees surrounding the clearing. In a single fluid motion he pulled a long dagger out of his left boot and slashed at the arrows flying towards us like angry wasps. Each one turned to ashes as his blade touched it, but I was too busy running to dwell on that.   
  
The cold night wind rushed past my face. I smothered a cry as a branch whipped across my cheek, leaving a perfect line of blood. Without warning, Tama ducked behind a large tree and pulled me after him. I landed in a heap at his feet and bit back another cry as my wrist bent in a way it wasn't supposed to. "Don't make a sound," Tama breathed into my ear. I attempted to calm my heavy breathing and wrenched my wrist away from Tama. He didn't seem to care or notice, but only closed his eyes in concentration and yanked a few hairs from his head while mumbling strange words once again. He suddenly opened his eyes and exhaled sharply so that the hairs flew up into the air and drifted away. In a second I saw Tama and myself leap noisily into the dense brush of the forest and run frantically southward. My eyes widened in shock but Tama gripped my shoulder, reminding me to keep silent.   
  
I strained my ears trying to hear the inevitable sounds of pursuit, the harsh beating of feet against ground and the snapping of twigs and dried leaves. I heard nothing. I looked to Tama and saw that he was not studying the forest floor like I was, but rather the trees. If I hadn't been watching for them I might not have seen them at all. They came through the branches of the trees, moving from one branch to the next like moths flitting in and out of existence. A soft rustle and a brief impression of huge eyes and long pale limbs, and then they were in the next tree, and the next, and further southward until they were gone completely. For a long while Tama and I sat in tense silence, watching, waiting.   
  
He pulled a small flask out of his inside vest pocket, yanked the cork out with his teeth, and downed half the contents. Grimacing, the young man pressed the flask into my hand and said thickly, "Drink this."   
  
"Why?"  
  
"Just do it. They won't find you," he grunted.   
  
I closed my eyes and threw back the fiery liquid, swallowing it all in one gulp. I felt for a second as if every nerve in my body was shriveling, but it passed almost instantly. "What is it," my tongue formed the words strangely. I suddenly felt light-headed, but not at all merry.   
  
"I couldn't pronounce its true name in this language," he sighed, "You won't look or smell like you for three days, at least not to those things."   
  
"And what are they?" I asked querulously.   
  
"They are Ruun's creatures. I already explained that, Meruru. There's no time for a second go at it," he groaned as he got to his feet, "Gods, it can be addressed at a later time. Now get up and pay attention."  
  
I stiffly rose to my feet, not really in the mood to listen to Tama. "Good girl. This is where I'll be leaving you. You will go eastward from here until you reach the dry riverbed. Once there, turn north and follow the riverbed until you see a hermitage. Go inside. Can you do this?" His grey eyes bored into mine.  
  
"Yes, I can." It did seem simple enough.   
  
"Then this is goodbye, poppet," he said almost wistfully, a strange glimmer in his dark grey eyes.   
  
And suddenly I was in his arms, pressed close against him, all beating heart and confusion. "I always wanted to do that," he murmured softly. The moonlight glowed across his face, revealing a slight blush. I was intensely aware of his warm arms around my waist and the pounding of his heart against mine. His half-lidded eyes caught and held mine, and before I knew what I had decided, I tilted my head and closed the distance between us. For a few brief moments I was utterly lost and found at the same time. All too soon, however, Tama pulled away. For perhaps the first time in his life, Tama Maren seemed to have nothing to say. He smiled gently and brushed a stray lock of hair behind my ear before stepping back and murmuring one last goodbye.   
  
I stood trembling for a moment, my entire world turned upside down, before I turned and ran away from my first kiss.   
  
A/N: Sorry for such a long time between updates! This chapter was meant to be a lot longer but I decided to post the first half so that my readers (if I still have any) would not have to wait as long. Gomen! 


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